When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
