If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
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