I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
