Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
no you cant smoke seaweed
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
All the doctor said was why
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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