I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
