im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize