I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
