i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
