So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
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You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Is it penis luge time yet?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
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we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza