I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?