I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.