There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
there was a trapeze. enough said
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.