Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
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He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
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I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad