I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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