There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Come share oat with me in your robe
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.