Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?