Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
