i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
