just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
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