It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
