God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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