If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
