Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
