well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
