It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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