im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Randomize