i jhust puked up my retainher.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
