so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
