Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
She told me I should be a condom model.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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