Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
