i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
