Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
