Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
