I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
