i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
