what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
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