he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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