He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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