I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
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curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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