there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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