it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
