Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.