She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.