Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.