you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
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We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
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I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left