If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching