when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
