I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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