i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
