There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
