Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
