Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
