just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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