so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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