I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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