I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
