do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
