escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
