look no pants
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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