He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
