It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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