16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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