I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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