i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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