Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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