Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
