Whod you bang
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize