it was like eating out sand paper
Ketchup is God's man juice
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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