I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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