Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
