$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
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Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
As shirtless as possible
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
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Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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