I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
