Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
