I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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