I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
