3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
