i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
