so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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