I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
