I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
