If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
