Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
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We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
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Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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