ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
