there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
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This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
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I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!