Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
