It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
