I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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