I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Brb crying the tears of my youth
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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