i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
