dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
