its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
