I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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